08.19.09
Thinking too much
School is lame. Life is lame. Too many decisions. Too many activities.
Should I drop Chem for Botany and Animal Development? Should I do tennis AND golf? Should I just do tennis? Can I just manage the golf team? What exactly will APUSH and ALAC bring? Did I take too many hard classes? What have I set myself up for?
I’m too scared to find out. Junior year is going to blow, I can already tell. Good thing I have people to talk it out with. What on earth would I do without them?! And thank goodness for this blog when I am in desperate need.
Here’s the low down on just several situations/problems:
1) The whole “JAM” situation.You-know-who plays the lovely sport of golf and was rather fantastic last year taking the number one spot at our school. You-know-who, the girl, is probably goingto do golf this year BECAUSE of you-know-who, the guy. The guy SAYS he’s suppose to help out with the team this year (so the girl told me). I’m tired of her dangling him in front of my face. Whether it’s on facebook, over text, or her going shopping with her other friends, I am f-ing tired of it all. It hurts and I’m not sure how she cannot possibly think it doesn’t. So yes, I am jealous. And I do NOT want her on that team. That brings me to number 2.
2) To tennis or to golf? Tennis is pretty much my thing; anyone could tell you that. Golf is something I just sort of picked up this summer. Of course it was motivated by a certain someone; I really do LOVE it BUT by no means am I good at it. They say I could do both and that’s what I would probably do since there is NO WAY on this earth that I would leave tennis, especially since the season has already started, that just would be rude. I think I could do it… but talk about the stress!! Could I manage it? I’ve got SO many things going; with practice and just the hard classes alone are going tobe killer. That’s why I thought of managing the team. That way, I can still “golf” and sort of be there with the you-know-who’s AND be an active member of the tennis team. That’s a great day for everyone.
3) The hard classes and junior year.Their names? American Literature and Composition, AP-US History, and Pre-AP Chemistry. Oh man. I’ve asked seniors how hard some of these classes were and I am truly scared. The class that I’ve considered droppingis the Chem class. I love Mooney but is it worth all the BLAH!? Plus, I can be a lazy person, and you’ve got homework every night in that class!! And science isn’t much of my thing. I’ve considered dropping it for Botany and Animal Development. Botany, I hear, is a “coloring” class AND is weighted. Animal Devel is taught by Heide, possibly one of the coolest teachers but yet is extremely unorganized and forgets things sometimes. I’ve heard it’s an easy class AND it’s weighted also, I believe.
THE CONCLUSION.
For part one, I’m still not sure what to do there. I’m still waiting for those feelings to pass. Although I really do want to stay in touch and be friends with the guy. I was even considering asking him to go to the receptionportion of my cousin’s wedding, which is in approx. a month. For part two, I am definitely sticking with tennis. I would LOVE for the chance to play ONE tournyor at LEAST manage the girls golf team… even managing the boy’s team would be great, maybe even both seasons. I could care less if I was on JV. Just being on the team get to see him and to watch the “competition”. For part three, as much as I’d love to drop it, I have a feeling I’m sticking with chemistry. 
I like how most of these problems intertwine with each other… high school… UGH. Luh-aaaame.
08.08.09
A Great Birthday Letter
As if my plate needed anything else needed to it, I just go another load. This is ridiculous.
I really do love you guys and I’m just saying this to rant. But if you guys want to be updated with the world, TRY EMAIL!! And I really truly am SORRY for bailing on you last minute for the vaca. You can believe it or not but I am seriously sincerely sorry. But to be completely honest, there was a part of me that wanted to go, and another part that didn’t. Then I realized with the Link Crew was meeting on a day that we would have been gone (today) and I wouldn’t have been able to be in it anymore because I missed it. This (Link Crew) IS apart of my education and I swear to God that education is pretty much my main priority. Yeah I might be lazy now, but I’m a teen, what do you expect? And it is summer. I know when the time to be and not. Violin and tennis are extra curricularactivities. If I don’t do well with school, I can be kicked out of them. I love them too much to just give up on them. And this year is going to be so hetic, with all of my weighted classes I’m taking and everything outside of school I’m doing. So education is defiantly a priority, and it hurts that you think otherwise. Moving on to texting.. It’s apart of the culture and I know that you guys probably don’t understand. I do like spending time with you, but I think it’s because of how I have been raised that I just sort of shy away, or text, when I’m around you. It’s not like I want to but I just feel that there’s a separation now because you guys weren’t always there, not like my mom was either. But I do love you guys and it hurts to know that you guys feel that way. I may not show it the way you think. It makes me feel like I’ve failed you as a child. I do think about you guys a lot and I do CARE and LOVE you guys too. I’m always thinking, “Maybe I should call..” but then I think that it would be weird. Again, back to the separation thing.
And sometimes it’s hard to tell you guys something because I feel like if I tell you what is actually wrong, give you the reason, or give you the actual excuse, it feels like the way you react in a way that says “Oh, I don’t believe you.” You may not say it out loud but the reaction you have is the same.
I’m sorry that you had to result to sending me a letter… the day before my birthday. Fantastic way to explain what you were feeling btw. Oh, and I’m not sure what you ment by the “giving up on learning Spanish..” but I took it in a bad way. Sorry if I’m wrong. I truly did not want to drop Spanish. If I had taken Spanish all throughout my high school career, I could have possibly tested out of Spanish classes in college, and thus saving money. But because I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life, I had to drop it and take a class that I felt I would benefit from in my decision making, which is Journalism I. And I know that you guys probably won’t read this, but when reading your letter, I even resulted in tears. It really does matter to me but I mean come on guys, a letter? Talk about “outdated”. It just baffles me.
Sincerely,
Megan
06.20.09
Weighing the Options
Do I want to?
HELL NO!!
Am I going to try?
Yes… but reluctantly…
Will it work?
I’m not sure. I kind of hope it doesn’t but I kind of hope it does.
I’ve spent too much time “sitting” around. It’s partly my fault for not saying something sooner. But now that I have and someone else has too, it’s just too much. She’s gotten the first text FROM him, and far more intresting convos through text. But if I keep truckin’ along, there’s that possible chance things will go the right way. Possible chance. I’ve tried to do this (trying to stop) many times before, all becoming non-successful (obviously). I’m not sure what’s going to happen. It sucks we can’t really decide who we do and don’t like. Gah. I’m just weighing my options.
06.19.09
Blow to the heart.
well.
you said that it won’t come between us.
i’ve known this to be false,
the ENTIRE time.
because here i am,
that sinking feeling in my stomach,
that pressure in the heart.
i’ve said from the get-go
“only bad things can come of this”
and look at me, i’m jealous.
and nothing too special has even happend just yet.
i really wish we didn’t become friends like this.
if it ends how we would like it to end;
one of us, together with him,
i’ll bet you whatever you want,
that it won’t be the same between us.
06.14.09
I’m happy this moment
Hum.
So after going to the Slavic Festival (fun filled 5 hours!! not.) for GCB, Sara and I decided that it’s time to go shopping again. DONT JUDGE ME!! :/ This time we brought Dustin who knows him fairly well. It was this time that we realized that we have been there too many times…. His co-worker saw us and was like “He’s up front he’ll be back in a little bit.” OMG.. lol. Well we talked for about an hour, found out his birthday is on Peru’s Independence Day, and even got a hug from him. The store closed and we left. In the parking lot someone, NOT ME, decides to leave a note on his window. “Megan scratched your car here —-> SORRY! 
To get back at us, meet us at Wal-Mart” (you see he got a new car, that was the “scratch”) or something to that extent. We leave and roam in wally world and he calls Sara. We meet him 5 mins later and we hung out for a good 20ish minutes. Seriously, that was probably the funnest time of my life. No joke. He bought $2.oo worth of ramen noodles and walked around with his tie around his head. This kid is crazy and I sometimes am not sure why I like him. Why must he be so different from all the other guys out there?
06.03.09
Just Peachy.
Monday I decided to tell him. I went up to his work and we chatted. That was after about an hour trying to get the courage to go over to him. Yeah, I’m a chicken. He was wearing the “cotton candy combo” as he has referred to it before. He was cutting out Chinese throwing stars out of cardboard. (They weren’t busy, thank goodness.) He just cracks me up with how random he is, it makes me laugh. We small talked for a couple of minutes. Then I started with… “I need to tell you something….. I sort of have… a crush on you.” I THINK his reply was something to the extent of, “You know I already knew, right?” Of course I can’t remember because I was to busy freaking out because I just told the guy I liked him. THANK GOD nothing bad happened. In fact, when I said I should probably go, he told me to not go because he was bored. CAH-UTE!! Anyway, we ended up talking for about 40ish minutes about things and stuff. That night I seriously COULD NOT go to sleep because I was replaying the entire conversation in my head and I seriously could not stop smiling.
Yesterday, I decided to find out how he “knew.” So I texted. (By the way, you’d think it’d be easier to text him now, BUT NO! If anything, it might be harder!! LAME!) Low and behold, Matthew Wheaton didn’t lie when he said he told him. THAT LITTLE TURD. :P Ugh, oh well, I’m happy with how things have turned out, not saying I’m going to get the guy. But, my cousin IS having a wedding in a couple of months, maybe I’ll need a date. Lol. We’ll see how it works out.
I decided to tell him so maybe I could get some closure to stop liking this kid. But after Monday night, I fear that I have not even begun to start turning around. I think I’ve only walked deeper on the path that I wanted to get out of. Yikes.
Why, JA, must I be attracted to you?!! (Ha, he even asked me this question on Monday.)
Lame.
06.01.09
Dear JA.
Dear JA,
I wish I could truly express how I feel about you. You have no earthly idea how much trouble I have gone to talk to you or for you just to notice me this year. It’s rather ridiculous now that i think about it.
In the process, you’ve earned two nicknames: Sparkling Water and JAM. Water because in 7th grade the code name for my crush then was “water”. We tacked on “sparkling because you are sparkling. Ha, not really but kinda in a strange way. You got JAM because Matthew Wheaton decided to tag my car during the last week for seniors with “I heart J.A.” I added on the “M” so my mom wouldn’t know. Smart, right? lol.
Those times we went to Penney’s, not because we wanted to go shopping. Okay, well maybe a few times I went in to actually get something, but mostly it was because of you. LAME I know. Belch.
And the time you dropped out of orchestra, and I tried to bring you back in by telling you to show up to Chamber Orchestra. I was so afraid of getting yelled at by G. Luckily she still doesn’t know. But then you decided to have a “prior engagement” the night of the concert. LAME. It’s okay though, cause I’ve gotten past that.
But honestly, how do you have to be so unique from all the other guys out there? An amazing musician, pretty good golfer, sweet, outgoing, and freakin’ hilarious. Probably not the brightest crayon in the box, but I’ve gotten past that.
It’s been really hard on me the past few weeks. You see, now that you’re no longer in high school anymore, I don’t get to see you that much. Yeah we text, but if you knew how freakin’ nervous I am… I wouldn’t consider it a great conversation. And they’re hardly that great of texts. Except for when you use “sweetheart” although I’m sure you don’t mean it that way.
On top of all this, I’ve gotten a new friend, who is also crazy about you too. To be completely honest, I feel I’m more deserving… Don’t tell her I said that. I’m sure she feels the same way but flipped. Lame is what I’d like to call this situation. “Lame!” as you would say.
I feel as though I’ve lost the race, the race that started right before winter break of 2008. She’s gotten to you faster than I have. I feel I need to wave the white flag. Which is why I’m DYING to tell you that I really do LOVE, LIKE YOU. BLAH.. if only it were this easy to tell you. I was thinkin’ that maybe if I told you, it could change your opinion. But I’m not sure.. I can only hope.
With love,
Megan
05.31.09
So it’s been a while, eh?
Summer is finally here. Well it’s been approximately four days into it, so maybe I’m a little late. This year’s been one I definitelywon’t forget anytime soon. It has been filled with so many great times, horrible times, and times where you don’t feel the need to remember. I’ve learned things that will be needed but will be forgotten, things that are random and useless, and things that will help me along my “journey of life.”
I’ll remember my second block of AP World History the most. Gosh, I think it’s safe to say that more than half of the people in there felt like they were going to die. It’s safe to say that this is the first class that anyone actually studied for. Lame but true. 
I’ll always remember all the bickering and “ROASTED” chats. And those random convos Mr. Siskwould have with us before class started that wasted at least a good twenty minutes of class. Those were pretty amazing.
My second favorite class I ABSOLUTELY LOVED was my Pre-AP English II class. Not only did I learn to become a better writer, but my teacher was amazingly amazing, and lunch was this block. HA. In this classroom, I learned that “To Kill A Mocking Bird” was not a boring book. I learned of those “:) Face Tricks” that give a voice to writing (even included in this blog! Look how that worked out Ms. P!). And I learned that Mariah would like a pickle for a nickle. Lunch was probably one of the best parts to 5th block. I’ll miss having so many friends in my English class. I’ll miss freaking out about the papers due.. although I’m sure Am. Lit. and Comp. is going to require a lot of papers too.. yikes.
I’ll miss those little moments. Like orchestra FIRST SEMESTER. If only I knew then, what I know now. Something would have been different. But hey, I gained a friend in the process of not knowing. I’ll miss having that “cute kid” (who’s initials are ASW) in my Spanish and English class. I’ll miss the “HOT SUB” who really is the hottest person to walk the earth. Hopefully he’ll sub next year too. Man, what a hot piece of meat!! I most definitelywon’t miss all the drama that came with the tennis team. Hopefully next season won’t any worse.. but I have a feeling it will be. LAME. I’ll miss the BEST foreign exchange student ever, BOONG! We were the “Asian Sensations” and we were amazing. I’ll miss the trip to MIZZOU for state for music.. and all the walking we did. And those crab legs at dinner and the “crab legs, ice cream, and MORE crab legs!!” that that someone ate. And… all those choir concerts that I attended. And those other musical concerts.. AND being in the pit for “Annie”. You’re never fully dress without a smile!! Then randomly singing those songs like five months after the last show. Then all the theater kids yelling at you to stop because they’re so sick of the songs. Haha! I’ll miss the first orchestra lock-in with a limited amount of people that made it fun. Oh, and the time I wore two different shoes to school… man, that was embarrassing. And going to graduation, when I really shouldn’t have gone… just for that “one” reason. HA.
Yeah, sophomore year has definitely been one for the record books. It’s one where I can safely say that it has changed my life. It’s one where I realize that I have changed. And that life goes on no matter how much you want to push the “pause” button. Two years down, two more to go.
06.02.08
Problem.
I need to get some feelings out before I go to sleep. Because it’s going to bug me until I do.
Summer school started today. And it’s not easy sharing it with the rival school. And it’s really driving me insane. Or at least somewhat close to that. We’re not really know as the “super school” that’s GREAT at all sports, or has the BEST equipment. Or the MOST money. But seriously, to bash our school like that is really ridiculous. I can’t explain it without just screaming it..
OMG… sorry we can’t cater to your EVERY need! Just live with it for a FRICKIN MONTH! 23 DAYS! OMG. You guys should just shut the eff up… I mean everyone who went to your school last summer had to put up with the same CRAP! Sorry that we can’t make the school smaller so you can find every class you have with ease. GOSH IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY. AND please stop complaining. Sorry that I didn’t BUILD THE FRICKIN SCHOOL! What the CRAP!! Stop saying, “You’re school’s a CRAP HOLE! No offense.” RIGHT IN FRONT of ME! And just so you know that is kind of offensive. Gosh you guys are such pricks sometimes. I guess that’s why you guys go to the school you go to.
05.30.08
A Year in Review
Yesterday was the last day. But when I REALLY think about it, I truly cannot believe that I have finished yet another year of school. Everything seems to be flying by. I’m growing up so fast; cheesy but true. But anyway, here’s somethings I remember from the 2007-08 school year.
I REMEMBER:
freshman orientation. first tennis match. tennis districts. orchestra/band concerts. the faculty christmas play. first mid-terms. bottom locker. the teachers. the lunch table. skipping AR points for the first trister. my 107% in english. freshman committee thing. freshman career day. freshman awards. essays for english. yearbook fiasco. senior crushes (there were a few. soccer players. ). being sorta in the musical. FLF. male cheerleaders. pep assemblies. getting a 2 at contest. watching mythbusters in science. kendyl and her little contests at wendy’s. the tennis bus. getting up extra early to be on time for my ride. finishing a book in less than 2 weeks. a day no pigs would die. romeo and juliet. the quadratic formula song!! kirchoff’s outbursts. making food in life skills. making my mini room in life skills 2. sewing pillows. sick STDs slide show. the dumb bellringers in health. watching tv shows on my ipod in health. the stupidness of orchestra. the seniors in orch. sitting next to you-know-who (ick..). the freshman circle. cracking up in english because of carr. having a heavy backpack going home. walking home. some sick convos at lunch. having a sinking feeling in my stomach when i didnt finish my homework. senior’s graduation. getting straight A’s all year. snow days. and the last day. BEING A BEAR!
I WISH:
I wish and hope that I would stop caring so much about what others think. I hope that I will be more involved next year. I wish I could just say what i feel. I wish I would just stop procrastinating.
ADVICE TO THE NEW:
Enjoy your first year; it goes by fast. Not even kidding. Don’t use a tray, you’ll look weird. Get involved; you’ll make friends and you’ll do things you’ve probably never done. Go to the dances and games; you’ll feel bad later if you don’t. Don’t slack on your work; you’ll REGRET it. Not even kidding. And stock up on extra credit; f you take a slip, it won’t be as bad. What do you have to lose!? Watch who you talk to, remember you’re considered as a stupid freshman now.
